5/12/38
Dear Marty:
I am writing this against my better judgment, but I trust that you will destroy it as usual.
I sent a letter to you yesterday via Vera, which didn’t say much, and you may get this one before the previous one gets to you.
I’m awfully glad that you had the day with my folks. I think they are peaches, and they all said how much they enjoyed your visit.
Wish I could help out on the speedwriting, but can’t see it just now. Maybe after I get out of debt I can do some good. I’d do it for any of my pals, and haven’t forgotten all of the things you did for me. Certainly hope you can get located.
I shall probably hear from the Army by the end of the month. I shall be in Chicago for a couple of weeks before I leave, and shall certainly haul my shoulder around to be cried on. Do you remember the night I left for college? Seems as if I did a little crying on yours then, so it is your turn now.
I was afraid you’d find fireworks in Wheaton.
Thanks for reading my article. I hope someday to write something that human beings can enjoy, and not just engineers. I have a book in the process which might interest you if I ever finish it and get it published.
About Bill and Jo*. They were all set for us to go places together. I didn’t give them any encouragement one way or the other. They think more of me then they really should, and as a result, they felt a little badly towards you when you married Bill. I have always kept my mouth shut on the subject because there really wasn’t anything I could say.
Well, you asked for it—“what you really think.” And please don’t be hurt by it, honey, as you know I feel towards you.
I’ve been waiting for this to happen for the past two years. After you were down here that week-end, I determined to pop the fatal question as soon as school was out and I was sure of my ability as a college-trained radio engineer. I had no idea that you and Bill were so serious. When I got home that summer, I couldn’t make connections with you and didn’t [know] what to think. When you called me at Johny’s that night and told me the dope, I was practically floored. I wasn’t the least bit mad, just scared stiff.
The net reaction was my wild summer with Marje. I haven’t been balanced emotionally since then. Although my social standing is better now than it ever has been, I have dropped to a first-class drunken bum and less. That is really straight shooting. My grades have dropped in proportion to the amount of alcohol I have imbibed, and they are plenty low. I’ve recently gone on the wagon, about 1 beer per week, and grades are already higher. But it hurts like heck not to have the stuff. I have the reputation among the bums around school of being able to hold more beer per evening and yet walk straight than any engineer around, and that is saying plenty. Well, that gives you an idea of how low I’ve dropped. I’m going to snap out of it, or know the reason why.
That may explain the Army business to some extent. I want to get away from all personal responsibility for a while and just think straight and figure this whole mess out. In the Army, I will be supervised to death, but it will be an easy life for a while. That will also give me enough money so that that restriction will be removed.
It’s a fine pickle, honey. Perhaps I never should have let myself want you the way I did. I do feel very responsible for the entire situation though, as I could have averted things for a while if I hadn’t been such a damned little sissy, and at least asked you what you thought of the idea.
But we’re both bawling over spilled moo-juice.
As to the future, I think I had better let that do until I talk to you. I want to very badly. Do you realize, Marty, that during all of the time we have known each other, we have never had a scrap of any sort?
Please let me know what days you have off, if any. If I have an article in Radio this month, and they said I would, I shall have enough spare cash for a trip up there. No one need know that I left Lafayette, so it would work out ok.
Drop me a line and give me the dope. Please don’t draw any conclusions from this letter, as it is too sketchy to justify a complete picture of the situation.
73, Cy
I shall not sign for obvious reasons. In case letter should get misplaced or something.
*Bill/”Willy”/”Conk” and Jo Conklin