1/31/38
Marty Dear:
First, Honey, have you ever caught me making a mistake in judgment? Secondly, haven’t I always come out on top in anything I started to do? Thirdly, don’t you and all of my friends expect me to do foolish things? And last but not least, have you any good reasons (in the light of your answers to the above questions) for my not breaking loose and getting hitched?
Well, I haven’t yet, but I wouldn’t be a bit surprised. Here’s the situation. You know how hard I fall when I do. I’ve been going with the kid for over a year. During that time, I’ve seen her almost every day for at least an hour, and we have frequently spent 20 hours together at a stretch without getting on each other’s nerves. We’ve talked over everything under the sun that either of us could have an opinion on, and we almost always agree. There are two other angles to it. One is that she is just a senior in h.s. and I’m just a junior in college. The third angle, and the one which about drives me insane is her parents. They introduced me to her, arranged for the first date, dropped hints all over the place, which made both of us mad. Then they calmed down a little, and we quietly went nuts about each other of our own accord. Among other things, both of her parents are over-grown mentalities (one m.s. and one Dr. s.). Now this would be fine, but as a result they have raised her with a lot of very modern ideas. Self-assertion is one of these. Also, they did their best to make a musician of her against her will. She never had the guts to tell them off until I came along, because she had nothing to fall back on. Well, she finally rebelled in a quiet way, just as her father taught her to. Well, both of the parents went wild. They slapped all sorts of nasty jobs on her (i.e. cleaning the toilet under the supervision of the woman who does the house-cleaning). These took up a lot of her time, and all of the jobs were arranged to fit the time which I normally spent with her. Well, just like so many idealists and reformers, these two couldn’t practice what they preached. I never saw such nasty despicable treatment of a human being in my life. It’s about driven me nuts. Also, we told them about five months ago that we were going to get married as soon as we both finished college. Although they were wild to get her married off, as soon as they saw that she could get boyfriends on her own hook, they decided to get rid of me and try to get her to marry a musician! Margaret would go nuts with any more of the stuff. They immediately started doing everything they could to give me the air. They told her what unthinking and insane ideas I had on politics and sociology (the whole world’s out of step with them), how terrible it was for us to neck (after previously telling me that they thought it was so fine that we more or less spontaneously kissed or hugged whenever we felt like it), and ended up telling her that every minute she spent with me was wasted (they used to say I was a very good influence and asked me to spend as much time as I could with her)!
To top it off, they came to me with the story that I was spoiling her life and that after all that they had done for me (they darn near had it figured out in dollars and cents) that they didn’t think I was very grateful. Well, I had never thought of it before, but every time I went any place with the family, it cost me as much or more for the trip than it did them (and there were only two of us and four of them). Whenever we used the car, I bought about twice as much gas as we used. I have cranked the damn thing about 20 times this winter with only a casual thanks once every 10 times. We took a trip up to Chicago one day, I paid for all the gas and oil and did all of the driving, chiefly to get a couple of the mama’s nieces to come down here for a couple of days. I suggested that Margaret go along. Well, about two weeks later something came up and the whole family jumped down our throats and brought up the fact that they had all put themselves out to make the trip! (I saved $6 for the nieces, gave mama a $5 trip to Chic and back, put in $2 more gas than we used, put in 2 qts. Oil, and paid all of Margaret’s and my travelling expenses—lunch etc).
I could name similar gripes by the book-ful. To put it shortly, I don’t try to measure my friendships in dollars and cents, and I never bring up the matter, even if I am getting the worst of the deal. But when the other party brings up the matter and they’re so far behind, I just can’t keep from getting a little sore.
You’ve probably gotten the idea that they are very terrible people. On the contrary, they are good stuff. But my personality and theirs don’t mix at all. And when they pick on the girl I love, it’s time for me to step in and do something. That brings us up to date. Honestly, I darn near bawl sometimes (if you can imagine me doing that) when I see them pushing her around. I had a date with her last night and they told her before she left that she would have to come home after we had eaten and wash their dishes! Well, she has never had to wash the Sunday night dishes before and it made me mad. So when we finished eating, I called up and said that if they insisted, I’d come down and wash them, but that she wasn’t going to. I reminded them that every maid should get one night a week off.
Well, here’s what I want to know. How much info does one put down on a marriage license? Will she have to get parental consent (she’s only 16) or can she lie about her age? On a J.P. wedding, are witnesses required and if so whom? Is there a fee for the marriage license, does it have to be made out weeks in advance, or just what? Does she have to be present when I get the marriage license, or can I handle it alone. Does it have to be made out in the county in which we reside? In other words, what’s the dope?
We haven’t made up our minds yet, but we probably will have by the time I hear from you, so I would appreciate a prompt answer.
Also, you might include any other advice you see fit to stick in. This is one of those things that I haven’t been able to learn in either industry or college, and that’s all I know.
If it was just for myself, I would finish college and say to heck with it. But when her parents do their damndest to impress her with the fact that she is a failure in life, and that is what they have told her, I just can’t stand it. They do all this with the air of a couple of martyrs who have lost their favorite child. The two boys are a couple of gutless wonders, who are going to be just what mama and papa want them to be and nothing more. They haven’t enough backbone to be anything else. Well, I’m bitching again, so I had better stop.
Ten years from now I shall probably look at this and think what a damn fool I was, but I’ve never regretted anything I’ve done so far, so maybe not.
I know you and the gang have a paternal attitude towards me, but don’t lose any sleep, because I’ve always been pretty well able to take care of myself.
Don’t laugh now, but we’re also both nuts about kids. Oh, me, what fools these mortals be.
73, Cy